we got life backwards
Warning: I did not correct nor revise this post, and I don’t want to...so bear with me (pun intended)
We intellectualize life a lot, don’t we? How can we not, when words and thoughts are so fundamental to function as a human beings. What is to be experienced gets turned into a concept even before we get to experience it. What we want is to know how it will be before we go through it but what i found out is that life is often times like this: experience first, knowledge after. And then we get progressively wiser at seeing the signs, recognizing the patterns, knowing how not to hurt ourselves in order to learn. We got life backwards because we think we gotta make life choices and have it figured it out already when it’s about figuring out on the way. We want to figure things out before we have all elements to figure things out, some things are on the other side of the mind, some things are on the other side of action, you only see them as you walk through the chaos, the fire, the waters, the storm. And the feelings are where we get all trampled up. Because nobody teaches us how to deal with them correctly, how to understand them and how to let them flow in a way that is healthy both for ourselves and the world. So we experience things and then gather the wisdom from it by how we feel about it. Because it’s the feeling that will tell us whether something is okay for us or not but many times we aren’t good at translating those feelings into truth. So we sit in the midst of thoughts and feelings; we squeeze away their contamination, the distortion of the experience, because the mind scrambled by emotions isn’t attuned enough to hear the message coming through clearly. Tapping into inner peace is essential, to look at it neutrally and not through the lenses of pain and truly look for what is really there. We want safety not because we need it, but because we are afraid we might end up beating ourselves up for it, for not knowing better, for not knowing enough, for experiencing something we don’t know how to process, for not being perfect. We need safety for our own identity, so that we don’t have to see its flaws and see the image of ourselves suffer underneath its own inability to see beyond the limitation it is designed with. Nothing is safe, and yet everything is, because we are unbreakable at soul level. Our paradox is that a part of us breaks but we are so unbreakable at the same time; we break and we get up and rebuild everything. We have the strength to pass through the ocean, the desert, the forests, to go up all the mountains and dive into endless abysses. And yet, when that emotion touches us, we grasp for something that may ease the pain, the intensity, the breakage we cannot avoid. Living life is about being able to still love it enough to take the broken pieces and tenderly say that you still love it after the breakage, you don’t ask for it to change or be fixed into perfection. The perfection itself is manifested through the love for imperfect things, the perfection of life sees everything as still growing, still arising, still being birthed out and you tend to it because it is the love that nurtures all, it is the love that gives birth to things, love builds through the imperfection and it doesn't force you to be anything but yourself because it sees that being yourself is perfection. Deep within our hearts, we are all the same, children that want to love, children that want to be loved.