some generations ago
As I read the dates of birth and death (1875-1926) of one of my favorite authors, Rainer Maria Rilke, I thought about the father of my grandfather on my father side and I realized "they lived during the same time!". It suddenly dawned on me that they could have crossed their paths or not, that they were of the same generation. I was thinking about time and how it isn't that linear and if everything is happening all at once because the moment is now, then everything is happening right now, the past the present the future. I pictured my room, part of my childhood spent here and knew that the version of me that was there is as alive as my current version sitting in the same room, and so is everything else. I wonder if that's how life is for mountains; they see everything beneath them evolve and collapse and transform...the entire landscape being reborn all under their magnificent gaze, everything flows and like a time-lapse as they themselves get erosed... 100 years might be like an hour for them. I then, suddenly imaged if I could really open a window outside of time and then take a peek at my great-grandfather be born and grow into an adult and maybe finally discover why did he decide to have the first of his 3 children at the age of 51, before he'd leave for another adventure at 66. I wonder if he ever stopped to look at the sky with amazement or write poems in his mind's eye. But above all I wonder, why am i curious about this? why do I seek such answers ? what am I really looking for? (I've already been working on a genealogy tree for my family and digging in my ancestry). and there i feel the answer, warm like tears, to love (them). there are some people who leave an imprint in history so permanent that we can know about them and their work and even a fragment of what went through their minds, and then there are those common people that experienced life's challenges and opportunities and were hidden geniuses...we may not know of their deeds or stories, but we all end up having an impact in the world we live with our actions and words and lives and sometimes the smallest and simple things carry out greater scenarios, each of us is a unique, special gem and it is important to honor our ancestors, whether we know them and their names or their works regardless. Yes, it's true, some of them might have been "the bad guys" in someone else's story, it is a possibility. But even villains contribute to someone's growth, there wouldn't be heroes without worthy opponents and sometimes the greatest opponent is the manifestation of your fear (embodied in a person in front of you). i think i got it now. my heart yearns to recognize their worth because in my heart i know they must have been remarkable people in whatever phase of their own soul's evolution they were. and i know now that me being here means I'm also responsible for this, evolving and freely pour out my soul's love out here, and since I have the opportunity to be here now i can express that beauty and even their gifts through me and free them from that which held them back by freeing myself from what holds me back, express myself authentically...because this life on earth gives the opportunity to us all to be out true selves and that is a task that should not be underestimanted. but fully appreciated. as i wrote the last lines i cried and felt it really in my heart but as i cried, i felt the weight being lifted. we are called to live life fully and express ourselves bravely and loudly, not for the sake of being seen, heard, not to be famous or recognized, but to honor who we are, to be who we are, to bloom like a garden on earth...those who witness that growth during their visit, remember too of the love that grows all things. we are here to shine, not more than one another but to shine for the simple joy of it. p.s. i stopped correcting it mid-way (hehe) i prefer to leave it a bit with that drafty vibe #stream-of-consciousness-kinda-thoughts #personal