learned helplessness
My personal experience with learned helplessness so far
The absolute, bone-crashing feeling of defeat, discouragement, and the inability to ask for help is something that I experienced for a very long time in my life. That was until I learned something about it, or to put it in better words: unlearn it and find my way through it. I used to live in such a state of helplessness, and when itās that bad, you donāt know how to ask for help. It gets to a point where you donāt even know you need help anymore. No one around me seemed to be able to even understand it. No one around me was available to help. So, I learned to cope with life, to keep going even when nothing made sense anymore. Looking back, I can now see that itās a pattern that was beaten into me. When you donāt know any better, you fall into the self-blame trap. But you were in a loop the whole time; you just couldnāt know. Feeling guilty about being unable to do some things without knowing what youāre fighting against is why I used to struggle so much. Sometimes you feel like you're the problem but that's not how you solve things; you're not the problem, it was a mind-pattern all along and all mind-patterns can heal. Itās worse when you feel like everyone around you is just as helpless.
āLearned helplessness is a psychological condition where a person feels they have no control over their situation after facing repeated failures or stressful events. As a result, they stop trying to improve their circumstances, remaining passive even when opportunities for change appear. Origins of the Concept: Psychologist Martin Seligman coined the term in the late 1960s. His research showed that when individuals learn from experience that their efforts do not matter, they develop deep resignation.ā
I did reach a breaking point in my life. I felt like I had tried everything, and yet sometimes I felt I had not tried enough. I felt like the world couldnāt give me what I was looking for, and that not even I could do anything anymore. I started praying again like I did when I was a kid. My family isnāt religious at all, but as a child, Iād always feel like praying in my heart as I was lying down in bed before falling asleep. Back then, I always asked God to protect and assist my family. But as I started again, I told God I honestly didnāt know what to do anymore or how to keep going. I donāt know how, but things started changing and shifting within me. I took prayer seriously, and I understood that you can build a relationship with God and that you can ask God for help. Sounds incredible, right? One of the biggest misunderstandings when we are helpless is thinking that God is unaware of our suffering. When I look back at my personal traumas, I really think something bigger than me must have been holding me together because some events I experienced were too much for a kid, and yet, Iām here and I made it through it all...just like humanity is still here after centuries of calamities, wars, and self-destructive behaviors.
I felt like a part of me came back to life, and I progressively got better and better. Itās not something that can be put into words, either. This doesnāt mean it is easy. Connecting with God means having to face all the inconsistency within yourself, back to its rootā¦ but even as you embrace this pain, you learn a different type of joyā¦ it melts all the harshness of your wounds and it gives you the ability to look back with more than just grief. Joy is a stranger no more; it comes from a heart that beats for life with gratitude, whether things go well or not, because you recognize that everything is a gift. I also keep a gratitude journal and give myself the time to notice all the good things and write them down. And the more you pay attention, the more you start noticing blessings. And they just keep coming like a waterfall. You also learn that there were just as many before; you simply didnāt notice them or know you could look for them.
So, I learned that I can ask God for help. I know now that God is with me. I trust that whatever happens in my life, I can find my way through it, I can ask for guidance, and I can pray to God to give me the strength to face it all. Even if I experience helplessness again, I allow myself to feel it all without thinking itās the end anymore. I didnāt like reading the Bible at first, but it grew on me; when verses come to mind, their effect is soothing and reassuring, like the voice of a parent watching over you from within. Thatās how close we are to God, and thatās what we seem to have forgotten. That Godās help is available, and that opening our hearts to God may not only unclench that which is contracting within ourselves but also open our eyes to the possibilities ahead of us. The genius within man is simply the fragment of unconditional love that God put within us all; itās a seed that keeps growing in our soul. Many take credit for the flashes of intuition within them, but itās the One whose wisdom is timeless that gifts them to us so abundantly and generously.
Now I know learned helplessness can turn into resilience, into the refusal to give up, into the fierceness of a warrior that keeps going. Things may collapse, but Iāll still be standing after every fall, not because of "my abilitiesā, but because I know God is with me. If you feel like giving up every time because your memories and trauma seem to be proof, I want you to remember that nothing in life is impossible, and that you can show that those memories donāt define who you are. You can choose who to be in every present moment. Donāt stick to a role you believed yourself to be during hard times; explore your true nature. And if you feel the genuine need for it in your heart, you can call on God and know that God answers all.
Maybe this is a time we are facing where we reconnect with God, with nature, and with the spirit of life in everything. The experience will look different for everyone, but we are definitely realizing that thereās more than what the eyes can see and that magic is hiding within all things, especially our hearts.