I forgot my blog existed
To be honest I'm glad I forgot my blog existed. I feel like I'm proud of myself for no longer pressuring myself into "producing" something new to write. That has nothing to do with lack of discipline because I am being disciplined with myself with other aspects of my life. I used to feel like I want to tell stories, I want to put them out there and I want to feel seen and heard. A part of me still does, a part of me still craves attention. I've been rejecting this version of myself for so long, labeling it as negative and worrying about turning into an attention seeker... so that's why I'm proud of myself for no longer feeling the need to write for the need to be seen alone. I love listening to stories and I love telling them, but because of the perspective I've been looking at myself for so long, I would worry or fear that this part within me isn't as valid or as if asking to be seen and heard is something I can't do. When you do that to yourself, you end up living in the sideline of your own life. We are all worthy of being seen and feeling heard, we all have in our hearts stories to tell and these stories want to find their way out, they want to find a shape and it's up to us to choose the shape, if we are willing to sit down and actually look at our life and ourselves. I wonder how people who never had this problem feel, I know it's not that big of a deal. And yet, it is still very valid for that part of me, because there is always a reason to everything. It's as easy as taking up some space and writing about the things you wanna talk about. There was even a time when I thought I had nothing to write. I pray that all people facing this kind of issue in their life may find greater compassion for themselves and know there is nothing wrong in desiring to be witnessed by themselves, and others. Whether there are people listening or not, whether we are listening or not, there is always the One who gives us life that listens and loves us. I know God is my witness and that heals me.