being kindhearted with boundaries
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but being kind has nothing to do with renouncing boundaries. A big breakthrough I had lately was realizing when I mixed up being kind with being passive and when I allowed myself to be walked over. I wasn’t conscious of it.
I’m gonna use one of my experiences as an example. One year ago I was sitting and being complaisant with a person I wanted to have nothing to do with. However I did not realize it because I was abiding by a belief, the belief that all people are worthy of love and compassion, and that we are ultimately unique expressions of the Divine, “to love thy neighbor”. But I have every right to listen to my gut and know that if I don’t vibe with a person, it’s nothing personal and I don’t have to put myself through it.
It’s fundamental not to forget the part where I acknowledge that, yes, people are worthy of compassion and SO AM I! That means not everyone should have access to me only because I wish in my heart to be kind to everyone or never disregard others. That is linked to a need of mine in all honesty, how I felt disregarded as a child by my parents and that shows how some beliefs stick because of UNRESOLVED TRAUMA and inner child core-wounds. Once you get to the root of your traumas, you’re also able to see the blind-spot in many issues, things you weren’t able to see before.
I remember I felt drained after the interaction. I didn't understand why that happened, I tried to understand if it had something to do with focus, but now I know it’s about boundaries and authenticity. I wasn't being my truest self and felt tired of the interaction but tried to be accommodating, since the belief was in the way. This is also connected to social obligation programming, to never upset people in order to avoid offending them.
After all, this is what we seem to have forgotten, as the wonderful Mirjam Jansen pointed out in her video : "Be of service to the planet by NOT helping" when she said "Love others AS you love yourself but we forgot the thing about loving ourselves and that's what we have to learn right now, because when you're familiar with how you can love yourself best, it's the best starting point to go in a transformation in your body, in your environment, in this world, on this planet, in this universe."
I only needed to remember about myself first. Showing up with a mask takes more energy to keep up with the facade. I often hear the sentence “protect your energy”, but I feel the answer is in being yourself as you are, instead of forcing any type of obliging behavior to make the other person comfortable (and make yourself uncomfortable). The word "protect" implies that you need protection from something. But authenticity will automatically repel anything that doesn't resonate with you. In this interaction, there was a third soul who was so bothered by this person and did not hide her bitterness. She could never talk – in the meantime the other person would not stop talking. I found it funny. Now I see clearly and I’m very thankful that I understand the lesson. Everything, absolutely everything, every event in our lives can turn into wisdom. Ask questions, be open for truth to arise within you. Stay blessed.
And remember, that everyone is an expression of the Divine and each individual is on a specific point on their path and the evolution of their consciousness. No need to turn anyone into a villain or make yourself a victim, that only disempowers you. You can avoid resentment and be free from that negative feeling which creates a sort of attachment to the story you’ve been telling about it. All of this while also keeping in mind the part where you activate healthy boundaries. Learn to stop abandoning yourself and give from a heart that overflows with self-love. Soft hearts aren't to be mistaken for weak hearts. They have the strength to forgive the world and never let it take over them.