1 year on bearblog!
It's been exactly 1 year since I joined this wonderful platform for blogging. I am grateful for everything that I learned on the way so far...the way I manage my blog and how I can gently weave my own creativity and expression through these posts... I'm happy I gave myself the opportunity to do this while witnessing my own fear and hesitation. Things I allowed myself to share and things that I was planning to share but didn't...things that are stored for the future, maturing a lil bit more before they find themselves in these web circuits, out there for anyone to see.
There's something I definitely understood and that is that I'm getting to know parts of myself as I blog, who am I when I write, how I change through time and seeing this continuous becoming as I shape the blog...which can really be uncomfortable at times, like I'm over here trying to find the perfect words to introduce my blog, to give it structure, to present it in a way that makes me feel satisfied and I meet my tendencies for perfectionism, self-criticism, feelings of inadequateness and just feeling like I want it to make sense, while looking for freedom at the same time, freedom from the way it's supposed to look...Looking for this freedom of expression and letting it be however it is, imperfect. The funniest thing is that sometimes I feel like it's super important to me and then I'm like "chill, it's just blogging"...I'm not writing my memoirs, and yet, right there I can find a glimpse of balance, between this tension and this devotion because this is an art I want to master and shape with love. Being able to express myself, my perception of life with clarity, tranquillity and an overall sense of joy and love for it all.
I can care about it without stressing over it. And here it is, the remembrance of what it is all about, being myself as I am. And writing about who I truly am and not who I think I should be in order to be seen, to be accepted and to be appreciated. It’s this pause before I write and checking if I’m really over here writing or taking some distance from it to keep myself safe, to protect myself from the world or from the way my flaws shimmer and pop out so obviously to me, wondering whether I’m expressing myself well enough or making mistakes. It’s about sharing my heart and its innermost feelings and this is what makes these words impressed on a keyword come to life, more than anything else, because as much as the structure of the phrase can be right and nice-looking, it is always the energy, the emotion and heart-motion behind it that matters and gives it life, a life that is meant to dance, a life that awakens from the statue-like posture that we worship... when we break out of the costume we'be been wearing for long, all the universe can hear is the cracking of a golden egg and the Light that we are comes through - again and again. The more I live, the more I find out how living life is about learning to be myself, unrestricted and fully breathing, fully alive… and falling in love with myself, with my strengths and my flaws, falling in love with life and finally letting go of this idea we have of life, maybe unrealistic, maybe too heavy with expectations.
Let us revere the discomfort that comes from imperfection for once, so that we may see what's really here and open our eyes, minds, ears and hearts to the beauty of Life, always available all around and within ourselves. After all, we don't cringe at children when they make mistakes, but we so endearingly smile at them, knowing they're learning. Aren't we all the children we've always been, and even if we are maturing as we go, won't we still be children all the same? The child within is like the spark that we keep alive in our hearts. This child is the diamond that keeps getting polished as we go through life. It's the invisible diamond we wear on our chests and shines bright in the darkness, bringing sunshine when the sky is covered with clouds, bringing lightness when the heaviness of life is visiting us, bringing stardust to remind us of our origins.
I'm embellishing this post with two frames of the same rose, and celebrating her beauty before and after she fully bloomed. And even when all her petals fall, I will keep celebrating, her leaves, her thorns and her roots...and the rose she'll become on her next bloom! Beauty is everywhere.